thoughts that change history

Real life honeymoons, they don't last forever

2006-11-08T15:24:00.000-08:00

This week I'm coming to the realization that my honeymoon in Pittsburgh is over. Not only in Pittsburgh, but work. Eventually I knew this would happen and my happiness would slowly deteriate. And all the 'new' would lose its appeal and I would miss the old -- my nostalgia would kick in eventually. I need new experiences and I don't plan to move back to the SLC anytime soon, however, I wish I could find people who are like myself. And SLC had that.

People's thoughts are intersting. What make them so interesting is that we can't read others' thoughts; If we could life would be boring and too predictable.

Anyways, the Democrats took control of Congress today, both the House and the Senate. Myself, being a Democrat had mixed feelings; I voted Democrat, but my wallet leads me towards Republican ideologies. I'm sick of taxes. And I want to see my stocks do well, and Republicans in Congress make my wallet fatter. I like that. But I can't worry about that now, mabye the Democrats will that happen.

Taken Advantage Of? I Think Not!

2006-10-30T18:20:00.000-08:00

If there's one thing that I can't stand, it's being taken advantage of. And lately I feel that a lot of people have been trying to do so, and what makes me so mad, is that some of them are successful.
I'm the type of person that will stand in line for 20 minutes over a 30 cent discrepancy over a charge. Call it George Costanza syndrome, but whatever it is, I've got it, and bad.
Let me give you an example of how I was taken advantage of tonight and, somebody who tried to take advantage of me and I wouldn't give them an inclnking of a chance.
First, Herbal Remidies of Wyoming screwed me out of 11 bucks. And let me tell you, I let them know how unhappy I was.
Second. Midas of Pittsburgh tonight. First of all, the guy I first talked to is a jack-ass, with a pecker the size of baby-carrot whow thinks nobody knows he has no self-esteem (another subject for another day). This jack-ass tried to tell me that my car needed some repairs to pass emissions. I didn't hesitate and looked this jack-ass in the eye and told him everything was fine because I had just checked it and he better pass my vehicle because I knew he was lying. Know this was a bluff. But my confidence and the look in my eye caused him to turn away and realize I was somebody who would not be taken advantage of. You win some, you lose some. But I have my self-respect and, the self-respect of everybody I come in contact with.

True Courage or Afraid of Fear

2006-10-29T13:35:00.000-08:00

Who doesn't like Starbucks Coffee? My guess is nobody. How could you not, it tastes so good. Aside from the fact that it's 'premium' coffee, but the fact that it's so damn expensive, must mean it's damn good. I'm kidding, but I do like Starbucks. However, it's not just the coffee, it's the ambiance that it exhumes that makes it such a 'cool' atmosphere. Anyway this blog isn't about Starbucks, but it's about a book that I read inside of Starbucks today. The book is The Alchemist written by Paulo Coelho -- an author I havn't ever heard of, but from what I hear is a world-renound author. He is good, I like his style and message. The thing that caught my attention so much is the overall theme of the book and what the main character of the book represents, myself and my own personal journey, or my own personal legend. But something caught my attention even more, what true courage is. It's not mearly being not afraid, but it's true courage. You can look into somebody's soul to see if they have true courage or if they are trying to fool themselves to mearly act unafraid of anything. What's the differnce between true courage and afraid of fear? I'm not sure. That's my new personal legend, to find out this answer.

Holy Shit! I flew

2006-10-15T19:40:00.000-07:00

On October 14, the morning after Friday the 13th, I went flying in a little four seater plane, with less room than a car. Holy shit, it was such an amazing experience. And I just didn't go flying, I flew. I was the one who controled the plane off the ground; I flew it around the city; and I landed the plane. It really tripped-out my flight instructor, because it never crossed my mind that I would be unable to fly the plane. I new I could. Oh ya, and before the flight I was pulled over because aparently my car registration was expired, however, I doubt I'll get any leaway from the judge because I called the cop an ass three times. But he deserved it, he was an ass. I'm sorry, let me correct; he is an ass. Anyways flying was an amazing experience and I'm so excited to go again and fly again -- it's addicting. Also, I went to the Pittsburgh Steelers game tonight. They defeated the Chiefs 45-7. Hell ya. But even better, I'm starting to be a pilot. That's always been a dream. I'm no longer a psudo-pilot. I'm the real deal, or a quasi-pilot. But at least that's a pilot.

Afraid? I Think Not.

2006-10-08T20:08:00.000-07:00

What a beautiful day it was. I woke up and went on a walk, and then enjoyed a couple of hours at Starbucks; however, after this, the day started to become intersting. I'm currenlty reading this book that talks about the 'Toltec' culture and how they practice thier day-to-day lives. It's faciniating. How as a culure they aren't afraid of life, or let me phrase this better: they arn't afraid of others thoughts towards them. And more importantly, they aren't afraid of themselves. They're true to themselves in a way that they don't lie to themselvs. Any way, what I was getting at is this, I did some four-wheel driving today 'off-road,' and it was a blast. I enjoyed inclining up a hill that was at least a 60 degree angle. And I also went through some mud that was about 200 yards long and a least a foot-and-a half deep. Execept for one time, I went sideways and ran into a tree. You see, the off-road I was driving on is met for four-wheel recreational vehicles and is not very wide. And there are trees everywhere on each side. It's pretty cool. Make a long story, short, I finally ran into a tree. However instead of getting upset -- like I used to do, and think 'why did I ever go here, I should of just stayed home and then I wouldn't have dented my bumber,' -- I embraced it and thought how much fun I just had. I wanted to go back and do it again, showing that mud-spot 'who was boss.' But, my X-terra was spent for the day. Now, I'm stoked to fix the dent in my bumber and the lights that I broke, because knowing that I can fix it, gives me new confidence. It makes me know I can do anything, and I belive I can. I don't need others and I don't care what others think. I went to the Steelers game by myself. Now I know so many people that would feel too self-consious for that, but I don't. I did back in the day, however, my new-self doesn't. I know who I am, and I am confortable with this. I'm not afraid of anything. I'm true to myself. This process has taken me some time. And it will take some time, but I know I can achieve anything.

It's All About Life

2006-10-05T19:07:00.000-07:00

What a situation. In this quasi-boyish life in which I live, I love it. My girlfriend tries to tell me that I can't have my 'boyish-charm' forever, but I'm not sure about that. Life is what we make of it. Let's take an example. To be cont.

Expecting Good Outcomes, Expected.

2006-10-01T14:27:00.000-07:00

I have a friend, let’s call him dick, and dick’s problem (among many) is that he’s the most negative person I’ve ever met. I mean, it’s crazy it doesn’t matter what you say, dick will have a negative response or reply to any comment. I always noticed dicks negative aura; however it wasn’t until my girlfriend pointed it out one time that it really hit me – he’s got a negative comment for everything!

Let’s walk through a quick example. We’re sitting at a local sports bar, just outside Pittsburgh watching the Steelers game a couple of weeks ago, and he tells me of this cute girl whose said ‘hello’ to him. I quickly replied, “nice, you should go talk to her,” and the second, no lie a second, after I said this, I became bombed with negative responses of why he can’t go talk to this girl – I mean it was like I was in Lebanon. Everything from, “I’m a little drunk and probably couldn’t hold a normal conversation,” (which shouldn’t of been a problem, because he can’t ever hold conversation with girls – another story) to, “I’m not sure if I will be in Pittsburgh my whole life, so she might not want to leave her family.” I swear, I’m not lying here, even though it sounds preposterous. He made a marriage excuse within 15-seconds of making eye contact with this girl. How hard it is to see him like this, so negative, so unconfident and so nervous of everything in life. He never expects a good outcome for anything: from what a girl thinks of him to if there’s going to be parking downtown.

Expecting good outcomes is something that all confident, competitive people not only seek out; but also really believe with no doubt. Now, being one of these people who always believe everything will work out brings about my confident, competitive being. I have to have things work out, and I’m competitive enough that I’ll do everything to make sure it does, no matter what it takes. Everything from devoting an entire weekend to fixing my own sprinkler system (that I know what’s wrong with, not the guy whose going to charge me $300) to staying up all hours of the night fixing a minuet detail on a project for work that’s not due for two months!

Confident, competitive people do what it takes, they perform above their own ability because they truly believe they can do anything – they aren’t as good as they think they are, but they believe they’re better than you could ever imagine. It’s not an egocentric thing, they don’t believe the earth revolves around them, but they think they control how the world revolves.

People like myself will do what it takes, they’re who you want on your project team; now don’t worry they’re trying to be better than you, because it’s not really you they’re competing against – It’s themselves. For example, growing up I played baseball in Bountiful, Utah and I remember a game we played against our rivals, Viewmont. And in this particular game, we faced the best pitcher in the state, Jon Davis. This kid was good, I mean he could through the ball mid-90’s and he later went on to play pro-baseball. I was a sophomore playing varsity ball, so not only could he through hard, but he was about 4 years older than me. I’m not going to lie, I was a little intimidated, but I knew I could go 4-4 against him. There was no doubt in my mind. Long story short, we won the game, but I went 1-3, with a walk. I was excited for our team because we won; however, I couldn’t get over the fact I didn’t get on base two or the four times. This was the best pitcher in the state, it was my time to shine as a little sophomore, and I knew I was better than him. I let this burn in my mind, I let it sting, I let it hurt. Every day at practice I couldn’t wait until our next game against Viewmont, because I knew he would pitch. In my mind, I played out the scenario a million times, getting hit after hit against him. It wasn’t even an option that I wouldn’t go 4-4 against him next time.

A month and a half later, we played Viewmont again, this time on our home field. Everybody in my school was there; this was my time to shine. The night before I couldn’t sleep, I had no doubt in my mind I would go 4-4 against this kid. Now this isn’t a Disney movie and in the matter of time I’ll give you the shorter version – I went 2-4. I did better than my first time, but it still burned, hurt and stung. And we lost this game. But, the main point of this story was here was a kid, already to play pro baseball, there were pro-scouts at this game; he was 6’4’’, and myself, four years younger and 5’3” knew I was better than him. And believed it, more than anything, I had to go 4-4 against him; nothing short would be a success. Now, don’t get me wrong, I was stoked I went 2-4 against him, that’s batting .500, when the rest of my team only got 2 other hits, and one of my hits brought in our only run. Everybody was stoked for me, and I loved the attention, but it wasn’t enough.

Competitive, confident people need and expect good outcomes. They’re better than they think they are. Never believing anything less and never wanting anything less. They make it happen for themselves; sometimes by themselves, or sometimes with the help of others. But, they know how to succeed and they constantly challenge themselves: pushing limits, seeing what they’re made of. They accept the challenge because they want to know what they’re made of – they have to know, it’s what keeps them alive. It’s what keeps me alive.

Why Are People Nervous About Learning?

2006-09-30T21:19:00.000-07:00

Tonight I went to a chuch meeting with my friend and his father, and I really enjoyed it. One thing that I do enjoy about any meeting is the fact that whether or not I agree with what's being said, I learn something. What I learn is this: I take what the person says, and it stimulates my own thoughts to form an opinion. Now, discussin this with my friend, he said he thought it was a waste of time becaue he didn't agree with what was said. Now, I know my friend well, and I can tell the reason that he didn't like it is he's afraid he'll be convinced of something and then for some reason or not, follow this religion. He's unable to form his own opinions, so if he hears something contrary to what he wants, he hurrys and turns it off, so that he doesn't have to follow it. The saddest part is, I've met so many people with this similar problem. They have such little confidence in themselves, and their own opinions that there scared to challenge their beliefs. What a tragety! How sad a life this is! You will never be able to expand your own horizons. When you thoughts are challenged, then your mind stimulates making you think and evalate everything, sometimes re-evaluate. And say you change your beliefs, is there anything wrong with this? Fuck No! Now, you arn't living a lie, you have real integrity and are impeccible. You're no longer living a lie and you're at peace with yourself. It's sad when people live lies and don't challenge their own belief system. This is no life, it's a life of fear. Those who shun away say religion or social causes because they think they're wrong, and will not listen to them, believing they instill fear are sad. Whether or not, religions instill fear, is no worse than the fear they instill into themselves because they can't open their minds to new ideas and are afraid to challenge themselves. How sad, I hope you're not one of these people. If so, learn and change. Evaluate your life and be true to yourself. Because no regime of religion can instill fear into you more than you instil fear into yourself

Economics: Do We Know or Coffee Shop Talk

2006-09-29T17:47:00.000-07:00

How many of you sit inside a coffee shop or talk to your friends about the outlook of the economy. Wheather or not you think so, you do; and mabye even a few of you understand to a degree what your talking about. Well, even if you don't, isn't it fun. I think so. I love to discuss wheather or not the fed rates will strenthen the economy and lower inflation. I'm nacent to the 'deeper part' of economic, but I love it. I love understanding what makes this society run. Don't you wish you did. With that I charge you to read reuter, bloomber, the financial times, the wall street journal and the economist and actually contribute something useful to a conversation than say, 'if the governement would do this,' or 'if we would just re-distribute wealth the world would be better,' and actually understand what your saying and why the economy works. Study, learn, talk and apply. Learn why the world works like it does. The world is not the 'hippie' idealistic place you wish it was, and if you wish it was, go live in Oregon. Mabye if we did the world would be better, but we don't; so if you don't want others to riducle you in their heads, actually study, think and form an opinion before you speak. Even if a 5th of people did, what a better place this would be.

Today Marks the Beginning

2006-09-29T17:34:00.000-07:00

Have you ever woke up in the morning, have the foggy feeling, and wonder if life is real? If not, you're missing out, not in a physcidelic way, but a refreshing way. It marks a new day, a new beginning of life. Each life is a new day, you make of it what you want, you make it happen. How exciting is this, how much more adventure can you have. Get out, make something happen for yourself. Individuals who sit at home and wait for life to approach them, never experience life. Even if they live comfortably, they miss out on the freedom and sense of accomplishment that only you can make. And then you start to live and be free. You understand your universe; you're completly honest with youself, full of integrity and impeccibility knowing who you are, and not living a lie. I feel sad for these people, you might be one; and if you are, I charge you to make a change. It's not easy, but in the long run you'll be happy. Know who you are and be completely honest with yourself, making things happen -- that's my advice; now, make it happen.

The way to understand life: live it, and be honest with yourself

2006-09-21T16:52:00.000-07:00

Through my life there's been times when I've been nervous or scared about what to do. Now don't get me wrong, you definitely need to be critical and analytical about every situation; however, there's a point where you just need to get out and do something, live life, do it, as the old nike adage goes. People don't live life because they're afraid and fearful about the unknown. And they're scared what others will think of them. How sad life is for these people. The saddest thing is that we all fit into this category. None of us are immune to what others thing of us -- and if somebody isn't a little self-conscious -- they're lying to themselves. That brings me to my other point, people aren't honest with themselves about their own personal lives. And what's really going on in their heads. They live a false reality, a dream that's not real; this false reality is something that they make up to themselves and try to pass off to other people -- the sad part is that people can see right through it, and if they can't, what a sad life they live to be living a lie. How much that must hurt to be lying to yourself and others at all times. You'll never be at peace. How can you live a life of constant pain and suffering with yourself? I'm not sure, but to some degree, everybody does. Look around you, everybody in life lives a lie, even you. How do we combat it? Start being honest with yourself with pure impeccable -- the Latin word for no sin or guile. When we can be honest with ourselves we can start to combat this lie, and then those of us who are competitors, will let this eat at us, letting the fire and pain hurt. This helps us not want to do it anymore. And then from here, we start to become honest with ourselves. When the fire burns, we know we are honest, and a true competitor: helping us to take the steps necessary to living a happier life, where we really can accomplish great things and peace with ourselves. We begin to trust our instincts, become analytical and critical of things in a positive manner, finding creative solutions to our problems. The key: be honest, compete and you will see a change. I know I have.

Hone your communication skills

2006-09-19T18:30:00.000-07:00

Here are a few tips I've learned to hone in my writing skills and have helped me become a better and more effective writer. And it's helped me become a better communicator

1 -- Get an AP style book and continue to learn grammer and punctuation.
2 -- Expand your volcabulary. I'm on two "word of the day" email lists.
3 -- Listen. Two facts: american like to speak more than listen. And 7% of communication is through the words you use, 38% is through your tone and grammer and the remaining 55% is through non verbal communication.
4 -- Research. Process information quickly and effectively, channeling your thoughts.
5 -- Think: critically and analyitically, and find creative solutions to problems.

Honing in the above skills will assist you to become a more effective communicator, both verbal and non-verbal.

The River Runs Wild, But Not As Wild As Me.

2006-09-15T20:17:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of Greg, Anabelle and I while "running the river" at Ohiopal in PA two weeks ago. It was so much fun. I fell out and Anabelle fell out, but other than that we were the best raft of the day. Even in the video commentary it was mentioned that "304 has had the best lines of the day." Needless to say, it was fun. You can also see Hercules who was our "rutter" person. The guy could have picked up the raft with all of us in it, and walked down the river; but for some reason, he didn't paddle. You can see me in the front left -- the captain.

2006-09-14T18:03:00.000-07:00

Is he real or only a figment of your warped imagination. While visiting New York City last year I found out.

Modern Decay

2006-09-14T17:38:00.000-07:00

Because of today’s communicative society, we rely so heavily on others that it brings out and exploits human insecurities. Mistrust is rampant. People do not trust anyone because they rely so heavily on them, and it proves to people they cannot perform the necessities of life, human’s main purpose -- to take care of ownself. People are frustrated which breeds mistrust and hatred in others; because without them they ultimately cannot survive and this frustrates all mankind. People want to shut this out so they pull away from others, thus leading to the overall decay of society.

Also, why there is a surplus of goods and commodities in society embodies the same ideology and principle as discussed. People are scared to be without or want, because they cannot take care of themselves, they simply cannot perform mankind’s most primitive instinct -- survival. This leads them to want, leading them to consume and to strenghten their insecurities. Looking at Maslow’s Hierarchy, they cannot perform physiological needs and safety needs, the two main structures of the pyramid. Constant insecurities, so they are frustrated.

Insecurities have more affect in the human physic than any other emotion.

"Let's see what you're made of."

2006-09-12T17:44:00.000-07:00

“Let’s see what you’re made of.”

Twice in my life, I’ve heard this phrase uttered too me. And twice in my life, I’ve shuttered upon hearing it.

Case 1: While serving an LDS mission in Tempe, Arizona, my Mission President gave me a unique assignment – today I can’t remember what it was, but I remember I wasn’t happy; granted, I was 19 at the time, but I was not happy when he charged me it. And then he said the fateful words “Let’s see what you’re made of,” when I spoke to him about my concerns. How I replied. I told him that I didn’t come out on a mission for him or anybody else, and couldn’t give a damn about proving to him my worth.

I really showed my spitfire, fury personality in this situation. I didn’t think I had to prove myself to anybody, but myself.

Case 2: One month ago, I was struggling about living in Pittsburgh. I missed Jamie, I missed my friends, and we didn’t have friends here. (Greg’s idea of meeting people was to go to the bar every night, get drunk, and believe this was a social setting; needless to say, it was annoying.) I approached Jon Walton, telling him my delema. And what was my reply after long discussion: Let’s see what you’re made of. Needless to say, I was not happy, again. More so, I was furious.

However, that night I went home and thought about his words; and, instead of getting mad I was intruiged. And one thing Jon said to me that rang true was how competitive a person I am. Thinking about this, I became extremely excited about this challange. Knowing how competitive I am, I want to be the best at everything. And more than this, I believe I’m the best; I truly believe I’m a lot better than I am.

From this encounter, I decided to take a different approach to life in Pittsburgh. I began to not care about meeting people, but instead concentrate on myself. And from this, meeting people would follow. This approach worked. I’ve been enjoying Pittsburgh, enjoying myself, and concentrate less on missing Jamie; but instead, I concentrate on the unique situation I’m in. And all the positives it has.

I’ve been enjoying life, and work. Gaining as much as I possibly can from both. I’ve learned a vast amount regarding the Steel industry, and what I am capable of. And now I seek out and embrace the challenge; I want to prove to myself how good I am, and what I can accomplish. And I’m doing it.

Presently, I thank my mission president and Jon for their words, it made me prove my worth to myself. I believe they understood my competitive nature, and knew this was the way to motivate me. And they did.